It’s the 3rd of April today and it started quite well as days go. A new month and a little money in the bank, so time to restock provisions. I am wearing a new black and white dress with new earrings, both of which I really like too. Basically I was in a good place and in a good frame of mind too.
Around 10.30am I began to put on my makeup before going out and kept it simple as usual but hopefully enough. But today I thought I looked particularly nice. Perhaps due to the weight I have lost this year, but I was very happy with my self and how I looked.
So, off I set for a 35 minute drive to my two regular supermarkets. After a couple of hours I got back home, unpacked the car and thought about lunch.
It started so well
It has been a beautiful sunny day which always helps lift your spirits. Lunch was a pizza and salad – not too unhealthy and I opened a bottle of red wine thinking that I would just have the one glass as I have been so good lately.
So there I am enjoying my lunch in the warm spring sunshine and suddenly I have this thought…
When I ended up on my own 5 years ago I followed the usual pattern of my life and attempted to find yet another woman that I could begin a new relationship with. However, after three years of unsuccessful encounters, I decided that it just wasn’t working. I decided to shut down that activity and resigned myself to a life on my own with my adorable cat Bertie.
Within a year, my old self, who I always preferred and felt more comfortable looking like a woman, re-emerged. Only this time it was very different. It was probably the first time in my life that I had consciously refused the idea of a relationship with a woman. Since that day my life has not been the same. Every day I have become a little bit more Sophie.
This was a such a profound revelation to myself that I cried for quite a while and I don’t want to look in the mirror just now. So perhaps you have realised that I am writing this very soon after this experience and you are correct. I find the process of writing down my feelings and experiences very therapeutic for myself. If it can help anyone else, than that is a bonus.
I have composed myself now and see that as just another building block of my future.
I try to turn such events into a positive outcome. It isn’t too difficult sometimes and very beneficial to me to find a perspective on the situation that will allow me to do that.
House sale update: I mentioned in my last post that a couple had shown interest in the house, but unfortunately it didn’t quite fit their requirements. So I am here for the foreseeable future…