Finding a balance between needs and happiness

Well I am back in the thick of it again – working in a kitchen and finding it harder this time around. Mostly nine hour days or more and we are not even in the peak season yet!

I won’t go into too much detail but I am having to take on a little more than I would like to, in order that the sessions are in control and not any more stressful than need be. The last shift was a straight 7.5 hours without a break.

However, I am grateful to be earning extra money though the summer and have found myself shopping for new clothes from a trusted UK online store and ebay. Partly to compensate myself for working as a man and giving up my life as Sophie during those working days. I am just about coping with the shift sideways with my life but have tearful moments in private when I am alone in my room at work. The photo above is one of the new summer outfits I have bought with the proceeds of my sweat and toil. I also have some pretty new shoes. Shopping does help to balance things out to a degree. This is the first picture where I have no makeup on at all, but it was a lovely sunny day and quite hot in the garden. I see that as progress and being more confident in who I am, not needing the makeup to make me Sophie.

I am back to work  this evening and I know it will be a busy night. I stay in a room above the restaurant while working and am able to take my adorable cat Bertie along with me too. It’s tough for him too as he doesn’t get to go in a garden and sulks a little plus he doesn’t eat as well. But loosing a little weight would not bean issue as he is a very big cat.

Next Tuesday I (Sophie) will be visiting my good friend Kenny again and will try to spend much of the day at his restaurant. I am not sure how the day will go as I have offered to either help in the kitchen or waitress if needed. But it will just be nice to meet have have a good chat again so I don’t mind if I do nothing – giggle. He has already been a sweetie and talked me out of a tearful day when things just got too much for me when I started working again. It’s so good to have a friend who understands where I am in my life right now.

Sadly my music has pretty much ground to a halt. But I decided to take my acoustic guitar with me  this time to practice the songs I have written. It will also help me unwind when I am not too tired to play it. I have had more ideas for songs but not finding the time to loose myself  in that right now. I have been offered the chance to play in the restaurant, but to be honest, after working I don’t have the energy and passion to give to my songs in the way that I know they need.

I am happy to finish on a very positive and uplifting note. Yesterday I had the first viewing of the year, by a young French couple with two sweet and beautiful blonde children. They appeared to be quite taken with the property and have a grandmother who would live in the Gite if they choose to buy it. So it ticks many boxes for them. They are the first local French people to view the property since it has been for sale and this is very encouraging. I am trying very hard not to buildup my hopes too much but I have a very good feeling about this and really hope I am right. Selling my house has never been such a vital key in my life, but will be the start of so many new things in my life. When I finish work during the summer I start to live as Sophie permanently!

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