February – recovery, decisions, reconnections and exercise

I didn’t expect to begin writing the next chapter here for some while, but life is full of surprises, so here am I again on February 1st.

Since Christmas I have had a cold, what I think may have been food poisoning and then a flu type bug which after four weeks is beginning to fade at long last. When I awoke this morning at 6.30, I really didn’t feel so good. I made an effort to get out of bed and fed my cat hoping that perhaps once I had showered I might have felt refreshed. Well, I never got to the shower. I went back to bed and slept for another hour. When I woke for the second time I messaged my yoga tutor and informed him that I would not be joining the class that day. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t go. But when the delivery of my repaired new laptop arrived around 10am it compensated a little. .

It’s been a lazy day, taking pills for headaches and feeling a little sorry for myself. Something I am really not in the habit of doing and dislike. So I have had time to dwell on a few things while setting up the new laptop for the second time – sigh! But happy to say it’s working better with a fault free hard drive now. Especially after installing some files they really should have done before they sent it back to me set up for French use with an English keyboard – grrrr!

I have an older sister who I haven’t had any real contact with since moving to France in 2005. Today I decided it was time to move forward with my life and on many levels. I have always been a believer that if you hang on to things they can drag you down or worse, they eat away at you until they become bigger issues.  In all honesty, I don’t think that I let it eat away any part of me, but it has been underneath my skin for quite a few years. I had wondered from time to time if my sister had issues herself as a result of our childhood experiences. Anything is possible – isn’t it? I felt that I should deal with this part of my life now! As my sister, I felt I owed it to her to be honest and put her in the picture. Neither of us are getting younger and she is just over two years older than me.

So today – Thursday, I sent a message informing her my issues life and of the changes in my life here in France. I have no idea how she will react to the news. She is a more religious individual from what I understand then when we were in contact many years ago.

FBchatFour days later, here I am on Sunday morning and I have read my sister’s reply. I shed tears, they rolled down my cheeks as her kind words began to sink in. She said that she was just delighted that I had made contact with her and hoped that we could meet in France or England. I am very happy that I made that choice and am in contact with her now. I think this may be a key stage in my life now and interested to see where this goes.

It’s now the 4th and I am two days into my regular exercise which is long overdue! I see this and the desire to play my guitar and write more songs as an indication that I am beginning to be more settled and happier with my life. Neither activity is easy for me if I am not in a good place in my head. It’s reassuring to see these interests drifting back into my daily consciousness and I feel good about both.

A quick reality check: When I played my guitar, I broke a nail and cried when singing two of the songs I wrote last year. I didn’t cry over my nail I hasten to add, just a little annoyed. I am finding exercise tough going as I am so out of condition. In the past it has taken me up to three to four weeks to reach one hour a day with a warm up on the bike and then cross-trainer. But, nothing of worth is gained easily or without pain in life.

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It snowed last night and winter has definitely arrived. -3C tonight and -4, -5 & -5 for the next three nights – brrrrr!

Wow this is certainly a busy month! I have cancelled my appointment at the hospital that I have waited three months for. I had discovered that the psychiatrist that I was going to see was not suitable to interact with me. He is part of a team that deals with “sexual deviants” and believes he can cure the likes of me. I have been advised by another professional, not to engage with the psychiatrist at any cost.  I needed to find alternatives and fast. I have lost three months waiting and was very upset that night. The following day it I felt that I need to take some action which resulted in making contact with a French friend I have recently had exchanges with via Facebook chat. We haven’t met but she was kind enough to give me contact info she beleived would be of great help to me. I now have an appointment next Thursday which I am led to understand will allow me to connect with good reputable services for medical assistance and allow me to progress safely and quickly. This has given me a boost but until I actually have the meeting I am holding back a little, as a second disappointment could be too much for me to handle right now. Fingers crossed it delivers what I am expecting.

This month is turning into an eventful period, so I am ending this entry here and will begin the second article for February….

 

One thought on “February – recovery, decisions, reconnections and exercise

  1. Hi Sophie: What a lovely life you’ve built for yourself. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but you seem to be reaping the rewards of your struggles and appear to have found yourself. I envy you so! Fondly, Melissa

    Liked by 1 person

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