The month of August has arrived – the summer is flying past at speed! It’s only a couple of months and then I will have been living in my house and as Sophie for a full year. What a year this has been so far.
There are four weeks remaining in my summer job and I’ve already had an offer to cook in another restaurant when I am free. It’s much closer to home and more of a restaurant than a tourist trap for the summer season. Hopefully one where I can make use of my cooking knowledge and skills.
Life is moving forward too, I am halfway into a course of laser treatment to finally get rid of facial hair. It’s a slow process and costly but I already feel better about myself and happy that it’s in progress. The down side is a three-hour return drive to the clinic where it takes place.
I am having to rethink some of the work that I need done on my home before winter arrives. If I am to continue working I need to consider paying someone to fit a couple of windows and a door. I think I am actually quite happy with that prospect. I’m a better cook than a window fitter.
I am finding the summer work a demand on my patience and will power due to some of the people I am working for/with and having to bite my lip and rise above it. The problem for me, is that I have kept my opinions to myself for most of my life. I vowed that I would not be like that again – but needs must! I need to replace my car and need the money to do that. So like so many others who work, I am getting through this the best I can.
Although I am lucky enough to have more work to go onto, I would prefer to work for myself as I’ve done most of my life. However, after looking around at possibilities I think that idea will have to go on hold for now.
I am making an effort to eat well and have bought more fish than usual. On the left is a cod and prawns dish in a delicious sauce, to the right is teriyaki salmon equally yummy. It is has allowed me to cook some very tasty food while being very healthy too. Although a recent lunch while entertaining a couple of friends wasn’t quite as healthy but very enjoyable. Back to fish today!
On a personal level, I have been working for the past three months and life has been fine with one exception. I’ve been noting attitudes and the interactions of some men with regards to women in particular. I cannot say that I am impressed or very surprised. I understood a long time ago how some men behave in the company of a woman and how they can look down socially, professionally and intellectually at them. But I guess now it has a different edge to it as I have changed my position in life.
Things with my daughter have been fairly quiet but we do keep in touch via messages and an ocassional phone call. Anyway, now I get to tell you about the highlight of my month. I came home from work about a week ago to read a message from my daughter telling me that she had been looking at flights out to France and what dates would suit me. Flights now booked for a short stay in October when she will finally come face to face with Sophie. I am very excited about this and hope that it all goes well. I am sure it will be an emotional time for us both but equally enjoyable and a stepping stone to better days for both of us.
It’s taking a while to complete this addition to my story, life is keeping me busy it appears and it’s already the second week of September. As a direct result of working this summer I was able to buy myself a nice little car today which is featured at the top of this article. Driving it home today made me realise just how bad my old car had become. I’ve spent the first week after my summer work resting mostly, but on reflection have done a fair amount of driving around too.
I almost forgot to mention a major breakthrough for me here in France – I have managed to get my French medical card after a great deal of administrative resistance and lack of help. I am quiet proud of myself in acquiring it within my first year of life as Sophie. Now I have only to focus on more personal developments.
Getting back to the title of this entry and why I began writing here again, I find myself reflecting on my life and events in general as one does. While pondering on such things recently I became a little overwhelmed. That is something that has happened less as the year has moved forward. I do find that my mind drifts towards certain thoughts and suddenly memories wash me away like surf on a beach. Before I realise what is happening emotions have surged and a few tears run down my cheeks. This can be driving home from work, as I awake in the morning or any other moment of my waking life. I feel that I am changing on a fundamental level as time moves on. It’s difficult to put into words as this is about how I feel. However I used the word ‘metamorphosis’ which feels appropriate at this point in time. I have without doubt changed. Much of what I used to feel and be self conscious about has faded, life has become a more natural process and I do not question myself. I continue to be very happy and positive. I’ve always liked the concept of metamorphosis and in particular with regards to a butterfly. Probably due to their beauty and colour. In a fleeting moment a thought entered my consciousness which at the time I quite liked – ‘Am I becoming the butterfly?’