Being philosophical

Today I have reached the age of 66 years old and I’ve had a thought in my head that keeps bouncing about lately.

How did I manage to get through life for so long not being Sophie?

I guess that it’s easy for me to say that now my life is so different and has been less complicated for a few years since I’ve lived alone. While I understand the issues and knock-on effect that would have taken place if I have done all this earlier in my life, I still find myself posing the question! In an attempt to answer my own question: as each, day, month and year now passes I grow more into my life. This feels very natural and comfortable. The thoughts of my earlier life are now quite strange by comparison and I find it almost impossible to recall how I managed to sustain that existence. But I did, obviously!

Things continue to move forward as I engage in various appointments. The latest were an echographie (French spelling). and a meeting at a new clinic about epilation.
The echogrpahie was a scan that captured images and sound of each of the four areas of my heart. I am delighted to report was all fine with no concerns, leaving me feeling confident about the fitness test early in December. The consultation about continued laser treatment was not quite so straight forward. Within a minute of entering the doctor’s office, I was informed that laser treatment would not deal with my remaining facial hair and the best option was a rather expensive cream. Something I discovered previously looking for alternative solutions, only available under prescription and which I now have both. Only time will tell just how effective it is, but cost-wise it’s similar to the laser treatments.

I have been giving thought to a work project that makes use of my interest and skills in cooking. After entertaining a French couple last month they had suggested the idea of providing ‘Home Dining’ services. Basically, I visit someone’s home and cook a three course meal for them. They are not the only friends to suggest this, but it has prompted me to sit and consider the idea more seriously. I have put together a selection of dishes that I can cook to a high standard showcasing my strengths and specialities. I already have some local interest in the idea and potential bookings. Maybe it’s not such a crazy idea? My next task is to cost the meals before I can look at the next step. It’s certainly something to focus on for the New Year.

The ramblings of a 66 year old

Age is relative to how you feel and how you appear to yourself. Perhaps its about a perception? Or maybe an attitude to life in general? How others view you is something that you cannot control and have to accept that, whatever you do with your life. Either way, I sometimes have to pinch myself to remind myself what I have achieved in my lifetime and especially in the past few years. I am still learning and discovering things about myself and the world around me. Some of the things that I had considered worthy of pursuing in life now seem fairly unimportant to me now. We follow the social pattern beleiving it’s the right thing to do. We find ourselves pursuing possesions and money. And I confess that I enjoyed a fair amount of that at the time and probably still do on ocassion.

About six years ago I had to re-evaluate my life completely. I was living on my own in a large house and garden with no work, little prospects of employment, relationships or income. It didn’t feel like much of a life and more of an existence. I have changed where I live and have managed to find a little work but not a great deal more. More importantly what has changed is my outlook and appreciation of what I do have. Much of which I had in my life for a very long time without recognition. I beleive this derives mainly from my self acceptance and a life that I no longer hide. It may not sound very much but it has had a powerful effect on my life allowing me to find a greater level of personal happiness. 

I wish to leave you with this thought — ‘life is about love’

We all seek it. We all wish to be loved and to love. The ablility to truely love and be loved was missing for me. I never understood why and often felt a little empty at times when I questioned myself. I carried on with life the best I could. I don’t blame anyone for that and happy to have a better understanding now. It has allowed me to repair some of the damage I had caused with those I love and myself. It’s never too late!

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