Before I chose to make my way in life as Sophie there were many times in my life when I felt unhappy and bad about myself. I questioned what love was. Wondered if I did actually love anyone and they me. Often felt ashamed of myself and then purged the clothes, make-up etc that I had bought that made me happy for a while. There were times of guilt because I had not been honest with myself or those around. My life had been troubled in many ways by my internal conflict which I never managed to understand or come to terms with for so many years. I hope that it’s evident that I have moved on from feeling sad about my past. I acknowledge that it made me the person I am today and gave me two wonderful children.Today I was chatting with a friend when suddenly like a door opening and light filling a room, a sudden realisation floated into my thoughts. We were discussing how each of us was getting on in general. I was explaining how I was very content and happy with my life now, more that at any other period in my history. I suddenly became aware that my life had altered in a way I hadn’t noted. Those terrible feelings that haunted me before are gone forever. Nothing to feel bad or guilty about, nothing to hide or be ashamed of and I am not betraying or hurting anyone. I’m very happy that I can now state quite openly and with total honesty that I love myself and my family. Something that eluded me for such a long time which I now understand much better. I am able to be myself and I just feels the most natural thing in my life. It did jolt into wondering why it hadn’t ocurred to me until now that I was free from those debilitating feelings. I rarely find myself thinking about my past life, only now and the future are my concerns.
It took a major change in my circumstances to allow this all to happen, but feel something would have had to drastically change at that time. Once I understood myself better and able to accept who I was, I had already made up my mind that I couldn’t continue to live a lie any longer. In retrospect, things from that point began to happen in strangely but timely way which I cannot explain even now.
I am simply Sophie to everyone I know since moving to my house in Bellac in the autumn of 2017. I have made some good friends in the area and have made many aquitances. But I have to admit that I do feel lonely from time to time. Although that can happen when you live alone or with someone.