28 Decenber 2019
Creative urges evoked as Christmas creeps closer
It’s early December, Christmas and the New Year creep closer now as the first week of month passes by. My Christmas tree is reassembled, and fully decorated with the usual lights and baubles. A present and a couple of cards have arrived from family in England but there’s no festive music in the house yet. My spirit has been up and down during the past week. I’ve finished my recent burst of decorating and grateful of the break, but now have too much time to dwell and ponder on too many things. It’s not always something that I am thinking about that affects me. For example: Yesterday I had just began my exercise session when I suddenly felt like crying. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness for no apparent reason. I really didn’t want to start the day on such a low note and began to pedal, focussing on things that I needed to do and an art exhibition the following evening. Thankfully I managed to elevate myself above that brief encounter with gloom and the day was very manageable.
That moment, although controlled caused me think momentarily of the winter months and the difficulties of living alone. A recent questionnaire I had to complete had a question to which my answer was that I spend most of my free time alone. Ouch! I didn’t really need reminding of that. Or perhaps I did? I do try to make a conscious effort to get out and meet people. I am now part of a group of ladies who meet monthly for a night out. I have joined a French social group who meet for all kinds of things and have occasional musical evenings. I also met a couple of interesting local ladies and hope to meet them both again in the near future. This evening I will be travelling to Limoges with a couple of friends to visit another art exhibition and taking a stroll around the centre while it’s decorated for the season.
On the 6th at another exhibiton hosted by a local artist, I more artists of this area. Seeing their work has evoked a desire in me to dig out my brushes and paints and be creative with one of several blank canvases I’ve had for a long time. I hope the feeling lingers long enough to be a catalyst. Previously I’ve felt the need for my mindset to be in the right place to be creative and paint. So, here’s hoping. However, having just written that, I instantly realised that I had generally neglected personal fulfilment in my life until a few years ago when I begin this transition. So very much to catch up with!
I’ve also been thinking about playing my guitar more frequently, learning new songs and perhaps performing to an audience again. But, my vocal confidence has suffered for a couple of reasons. Firstly and most importantly for me, that my singing sounds a little too masculin, which I am terribly self concious about. A good friend who has not heard me sing before has offered to listen to me when I am ready and offer an opinion. Secondly, I haven’t played very much during the past year and need a lot of practice both vocally and musically. It’s something I really would like to conquer.
I overspent a little last month due to celebrations staged for my birthday, but I have no regrets about that. You simply have to do certain things or life isn’t worth living! However, it has made the start of this month a bit squeaky financially but things will be fine. I have invited a friend for dinner on Christmas day and I’ve been invited out to dinner on Boxing day. On the 23rd I have a party invite from local friends of mine. It’s another opportunity to meet more local folk and I intend to take a plate of tasty food and some fizz. I am really quite a sociable individual and enjoy such outings. Other than that it looks to be relatively quite for the next three weeks
It’s Saturday7th and I woke up far too early at around 4.30am. Quite unusual for me, plus I couldn’t get back to sleep. Hence I began this entry. It’s almost 7am now and I’m actually feeling tired, so it’s back to bed to try and grab the sleep I’ve missed.
How time slips by! It Sunday 15th and only just over a week until Christmas. On Friday evening I met with a few local ladies again for a meal and drinks at a local bar brasserie. Very happy to say that we were all much more controlled. I didn’t suffer the following day as the last time. I really couldn’t do that again haha!
Food, food and more food…
I appear to have been quite busy since the last entry. It’s now December 26th! My friends who were having the festive evening where overwhelmed with acceptances of their invitations and had 70 or more visit over the course of the evening. When I discovered the number she had arriving I offered my help with food preparation. I made a Thai chicken curry, two tomato and courgette tarts, two quiches and four pizzas. I also made tandoori chicken canapés as my contribution. The evening was highly enjoyable and I made new acquaintances and old friends.
I had already invited my friend John for Christmas lunch but he was struggling somewhat at this time of year with the loneliness and memories of his dear late wife. So I asked him to join me on Christmas eve too. Today I have been invited out for another Christmas meal! I’m feeling fatter already – eeek! Diet after the New Year. Saturday I have been invited for drinks and nibbles nearby with local friends for a couple of hours. So far nothing for the New Year and likely to be home on my own, and that is fine.
Time for reflection
In less than three weeks I have my next appointment with the surgeon. I become eligable in March for treatment and hope to be discussing a date for surgery with him..
I end this with my appreciation of making it through another year as I reflect upon my achievements. My life is blossoming and continuing to develop. I have to take stock of my situation to remind myself of how far I have travelled on this path. During this year I have met some very nice people, been more socially active with hopes of that continuing. Relations with my sister, son and daughter and family have become stronger. All of those factors help me to keep in a positive frame of mind. Tearful moments still happen, but that is simply life for us all. With four days to go until the New Year I am optimistic about my future and for the coming year, thankful for the love, people and things I have in my life. Not forgetting my beautiful little furry companion Hugo who never fails to show me affection and delight in seeing me on a daily basis.