Living in a bubble


Today is Tuesday 24 March and the world has fallen into panic and chaos over the past several weeks. I am in the second week of a lockdown situation. I understand that from today the borders to France have been closed. From the staggering information that I came across a few weeks ago and from what is actually happening, I believe that things are going to get a lot worse over the coming months. I was hoping not to write anything about this pandemic we are all in fear of, but it looks as if it may be the biggest world crisis that will happen in my lifetime. 

Cancelled

I have just called the hospital to confirm what I already suspected. Both of my appointments have cancelled. Tne first with a psychiatrist and a psychologist may take place over the phone. The other appointment, where I hoped to learn of a date for surgery, is also cancelled with a future date remaining unknown for some time. It leaves me feeling a little deflated at this point in time, my spirits are already low as a result of concerns for family, friends and of course myself. 

So, onto the site stats

With rather a bit too much spare time on my hands now, I have been looking over the stats for this site. It’s not possible for me to know who visits the site, just the country and pages that are viewed viewed. And that’s never been an issue for me. The fact that people find the site and without publicising it brings me some satisfaction. If it helps one other person, then I have managed to achieve something with the account of my life and journey. 

My site has attracted people from 40 different countries with almost 700 individuals browsing the pages. The only other information I can provide of any interest is about the pages viewed.

The top five pages visited are:

  • Finding Sophie
  • My life in France
  • Who is Sophie?
  • Becoming a man or not?
  • One morning in East London

One thing I am a little disappointed about, is my inability to provoke feedback or comments. Maybe it doesn’t matter really? If I go back to my reasons for creating this site – it was a vehicle that provided a form of self-therapy for me and a way of providing information discretely to my family and friends. Helping them to understand and come to terms with what I have done with my life. Transition and transgender are areas of life that elude many, regardless of the amount of information out there. Those that have acquired some level of understanding may not necessarily have met anyone like me in their lives. So, perhaps it remains a fascination, possibly? 

Life in my bubble

I have considered for some time now, that my life in France exisits in my own little bubble. Never before in my lifetime have I felt that way. I think it’s my way of not dealing with much of what isn’t right in the world today and world issues I find it hard to face up to. Poverty, the lack of respect for the planet we live on and so much more. The current situation included. I have tried to focus on putting my life in order while managing an existance alone on a modest pension. Over the past eight years in particular, I have re-aligned my thinking and lifestyle. I can live reasonably comfortably, pay my bills and run an old car. I am not saying for one minute that it’s easy. I am the happiest and most content in myself, more than than every before – and that is the key!  

I have never been the worrying type and I don’t worry unnecessarily. I am very sensitive, maybe more that most are aware. Over the past few years I have become much more emotional and affected by what I see, read and hear. More likely to cry over something and often find myself overcome with the sadness about things I see in the media. 

Do we all live in our own bubble? Perhaps!

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